10 days of silence

I just came back from a 10-days silent meditation course. (Vipassana)

People have asked me, how was it?

It took my a couple of days to know what to say.

In the upcoming weeks I will get deeper into what happen and what changes in my life and Nuad Thai Yoga practice it took.

This week I want to focus on something that I found not as hard as I thought it would be.

To be in noble silence where you don´t talk to anyone for 10 days. (Besides the teacher and a general manager when you had questions about the practice)

Being a person who have had the iPhone stuck to my hip for the last couple of years, and being used to talk to vent and connecting, I thought the silence would be very hard.

Also, knowing that I would be stuck with my own thoughts without escape (facebook,  emails, TV) that was very scary to me. Would things come up that I pushed down deep inside me? Would I suffer every moment of it?

The experience of a Vipassana meditation course is completely different from person to person, so what I experienced is totally individual.

What I experienced when the silence started was a big ease inside. A calm came over me. I felt relaxed and being in the present moment became easier than it has have been in many many years.

It was not scary to be alone with my thoughts, it was not scary to be silence. It was a big relief!

The meditation was hard many times, and things did come up. But the whole practice is about feeling your body's sensations, with a calm mind, so it´s not about thinking.

When I signed up I had no idea what it was about besides what I had heard and read. I just went with my gut, and I am so happy that I did.

Two big things I want to share with you this week that I learned and got confirmed:

•  If you are scared of being alone with your own thoughts, challenge it and try it for yourself. Leave your phone at home for a couple of hours so that you can´t use that when you feel bored or restless. Or, do something around the house without music or anything that distract yourself. Just be with yourself. It´s not about letting your thoughts take over. It´s about staying in the present moment, exactly where you are there and then.

• Listen to your gut, when you have a decisions to do. Scared to do so? Try it once this week, if you have a smaller decision to make and not sure what. Check in with your gut and just go with whatever it says.

Try these two things this week and report back here. What did you find out? Or maybe you did not find out anything, whatever happens or not, its all good:

Metta - Love and Compassion

I fell on my ass in dance class

Why I'm happy that I feel on my ass in front of 30 people in dance class.

I finally came to dance class. Nervous but also excited. The warm up went like it usually do, with a mix of emotions and reactions from my body. When I have been away for a while I always struggle with my self esteem and with being ok that I'm not where I want to be with my technique or in my body. But you can't be in a more safe space. People are so lovely. The teacher Laurie DeVito was as amazing as always.

So I got trough the warm up and I was feeling better.

The choreography came so We leaned the steps and started dancing. I started to feel alive again. It's interesting that when you have been not doing something that make you feel amazing, and start again. It's the most fabulous feeling in the world.

After a couple of rounds I stood there and noticing that my body, mind and everything in between went to a different state and place. It was this magic feeling where I just felt the sadness, stress and anxiety melting away.

That was when I realized how much I need to dance for my own happiness (and sanity). Cause dancing gets me to a higher place. The body is warm, the music is beautifully congested with the movement.

While  other groups are dancing (we usually gets split up in 4-5 groups so when your group are not dancing you are marking (practicing the steps) on the side.

Then it was the second to last round ahead and I stood there in front with four other dancers in the group and we started dancing.

Suddenly I feel how I loose my balance but since I am a state of enjoyment and almost like a slow motion feeling when my butt hit the floor.

What did I do? First I needed a second to realize that I actually had fallen flat, then I felt if I was hurt, then I quickly got up and got back into the last couple of eights (in dance we count to eights)

What I love about this is that I did not care one bit. I did not feel any shame of falling and all in front of almost 30 dancers. Laurie DeVito oc course came to see that I was ok, otherwise I just kept going.

The best part was that something happen inside me. When I realized that I can fall on my ass in front of a full class and just get up and keep dancing. I realized that I have alot of strength in me that I somehow forgot.

But also how important it is to be in a safe space. This dance class is a safe space. Full of love, sweat and beautiful movement where everybody has a different reason to be there.

And I know you have that too. 

What did I learn?

- I have to dance for my own body and mind health

- Being in a safe space is so important

- Shit happens. we fall, we mess up, just get up and keep going. like myself you probably end up learning from it if you dig a little deeper.

- I did not laugh at myself this time. But laughing at ourselves (in a freeing good way) in situations is so important.

Your turn, this week. do something you know is good for your body and mind health. Think about what your safe space is in life and go there for a while. If you don´t know, then it´s time to find that space.

Comment below and let me know how it felt